32 Hysterical Letters To Santa

32 Hysterical Letters To Santa

There are many things I love about the Holiday Season. The presents, the parties, the eggnog, the cheer. My favorite, however, is getting to see the adorable letters that starry-eyed children worldwide scratch out to the fat man from the North Pole.

For your reading pleasure, we have compiled a list of  funny letters, Enjoy!

Please bring me: Cat, Dog, Pig. In case you need clarification, Santa, she has drawn you little pictures of each.

To the ends of your toenails?! Well that, sir, is a lot of glee and warmth. I also really like how he felt the need to clarify to Santa, to whom the elves supposedly belong, who Harold and Wallace are. Finally, I love this kid’s use of the ampersand, it saves so much time when compared to actually spelling out the word “and.”

Points for self-awareness!

There are so many reasons I love this Santa letter. First, what does she care if Santa is real…her dad is going to give her some presents anyway. Second, don’t even think about calling Santa big jolly fat. But then again, he is jolly. And, well I guess he is big and fat too. So I guess it’s ok.

What, like one red nose and one regular reindeer colored nose? I’m guessing if you don’t know how many noses Rudolph has, you are not Santa’s best pal, Joshua. Where do kids come up with these things?

This kid is full of questions, my favorite of which is: How tall is the average elf? As if Santa doesn’t have enough to do before Christmas, now he has to take the mean height of all his little helpers. I also like the way some of the questions are punctuated with question marks while others have periods.

I really enjoy the precision and care that went into the rainbow lettering, but who exactly is Zanta?

Alright so this kid would like a REAL light saber and a venus fly trap…big whoop. I would like to direct your attention to the drawing at the bottom of the letter. There is a child playing with what I can only assume is his new game, being shot in the head. And smiling.

Eva to Santa. Come in Santa. Do you read me?

I don’t even know where to start with this gem. Dear, Santa. Please turn this poor kid into a dragon. She says a pet dragon will do, but we all know it won’t. P.S. Happy Valitins Day.

He’s been good for about three years. Never mind what he did four years ago. He’s been working toward that nice list for nearly three years now, and that should be enough.

Timothy doesn’t just want to know what he is getting for Christmas, he wants to know what all the kids are getting for Christmas. And he will beat out all those suckers with an even bigger cookie than Santa has ever seen before.

Don’t you just want to give Nathan a hug? He isn’t even concerned with his own Christmas wishes, he just wants to make sure Santa enjoys himself. I love this child.

Ok, so this isn’t technically a Santa letter, but how could I not include this awesome envelope. This kid clearly had the right idea. Butter up the big guy BEFORE he gets to the massive list waiting inside the envelope.

In case this double-sided monster wasn’t enough, Santa, hang tight because here comes round two…

She almost forgot! She also wants “under armer” and that mind flex thing. Hope it wasn’t too much truble!

She was super-anxious for Christmas this year…this letter was written in July.

I’m going to assume that this little pop-music maven actually wanted to wish you a holly jolly Christmas, not a holy joly one.

Don’t disappoint her, Santa. She doesn’t want very much…just some Watermelon Double Bubble. Dream big, kid.

I would like to direct your attention to the letter on the right which was clearly written by a teenager who is almost of driving age. You are already far too old to be writing letters to Santa, but if you insist, then you are at least old enough to realize the presents have already been bought if you are putting out the letter at the same time as the milk and cookies. Also, Lauren, do you really want your parents to pick out that good looking, funny and smart boyfriend you have your heart set on this Christmas?

I love how she included that she gets upset at her mom when she doesn’t get what she wants. Let that be a lesson to you, Santa. If you don’t bring her all ten items on her list, you are in for some serious attitude from Kyla.

Insulting Santa with mean drawings is not the way to get your remote control motorcycle and legos, Stephen.

If Mama did the writing for little Charles, I wonder why she chose to write “that weird card game that’s called war,” instead of “a deck of cards to play war.” Also, “one of those dragonfly things at Radio Shack” ….REALLY?

This isn’t an “I want…” letter to Santa, that big guy who delivers presents on Christmas. It’s an update letter to her pen pal, Santa. Chelsea is really sorry she hasn’t been holding up her end of the bargain, but middle school is hard work, I tell you!

She’s asking for a lot of Barbie stuff, but don’t worry Santa…she shares with her friends.

Santa: IMPORTANT! Jamie needs one bell from your sleigh. She also really wants to learn how to ice skate, so I guess bring her ice skates. Don’t worry about numbers 17-20. Or 13, because she knows you can’t bring this, but SAVE THE ANIMALS!

There are so many things I love about this book to Santa. First of all, it is a book…as in multiple pages stapled together in four different locations. Second, there is a little key at the top: ❚ = I messed up. Finally, and this is probably my favorite, is his excuse for being a little bit bad this year, especially to Ana: he just forgot this time of the year was coming!

Shiane, you were so caught up in tattling on Christopher that you forgot to include all the presents you were wanting frome Santa this year!

Dear Readers,
From now on I intend to sign all my letters like this!
I love,

Not everything in this letter is entirely legible, but “a whole box of doctor gloves,” comes through loud and clear.

For goodness sakes, Santa! Bring Sadie a bathroom for her dolls! I hate to think of where they are going until Christmas!

Everybody knows there is no such thing as Christmas in Minnesota, so you are just going to have to come a bit early this year Santa.

On the 7th night of Christmas my true love gave to me: 7 pokemon t-shirts, 6 pokemon stuffed animals, 5 pokemon puzzles, 4 decks of pokemon cards, 3 pokemon costumes, 2 pokemon “figyours”…and 15 toy pokemon’s!
Which letter is your favorite?

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One thought on “32 Hysterical Letters To Santa

  1. dear santa clusthank you for my new robe and big bear and may ihelp you out next Christmas eve as a elf named andy casonyour friend andy

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